


Wizard Swears

by Annavanpie, fuckitywuckityimgrapejuice (DragonsAddicted), Khaos_honestly, manic_no



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Cute, Cute Ending, Fierce Deity - Freeform, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), fun references, saanic, sky fucking snaps(fluff), warriors and legend fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:27:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annavanpie/pseuds/Annavanpie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonsAddicted/pseuds/fuckitywuckityimgrapejuice, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khaos_honestly/pseuds/Khaos_honestly, https://archiveofourown.org/users/manic_no/pseuds/manic_no
Summary: The Lu Boys go on a rather wild adventure, stay tuned for more!
Comments: 25
Kudos: 8





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, we worked super hard on this together, and we all hope you really enjoy it!!

“Anna is always first, Anna is all we’ve ever known,” Marth says, sighing, with contempt, holding his sword, staring into the distance, hoping no one notices his deep dark secret. “It’s been 17 long, long years since Anna defeated Naga and Hylia with her bare hands and her tax refunds.” He stared into the distance, noticing for the first time a shimmer in the clouds. The shimmer of light grows closer, it looks like a bird, a plane NO it’s STARFOX!!! “Oh shit!” exclaimed Warriors, bright blue orbs shimmering in the afternoon sunlight.  
Marth looks between Warriors and the light, screaming, “Son? Daddy? Whoever you are? Run!” Marth brandishes his sword out towards Warriors, because he realizes that this is a knockoff Warriors, for the real one would never stop objecting to being called daddy since its fucking nasty, so he stabs him in the gut. “NO!” a voice screams, making everyone look over to see Obama running towards them all, wishing desperately to halt this horrible action as he loved this beautiful Warrior boy.  
Sadly, he was too late, for Warriors other one true love, Colonel Sanders-chan-senpai was there to block Obama-kun from getting to Warriors’s beautiful yet flat ass. Colonel Sanders-Chan-Senpai collapsteded to the ground ina fit of sheer agony, disbelievign that he could ever lose the love of his life, the one and only, Flat-Ass-Hero, Warriors-kin, “I guess Warriors-Kun wasnt craving my Mcnuggies…”  
“Cowonew-Senpai!” Warriors screeched like a banchee, holding his one true love in his arms, tears streaming down from his deep ocean-blue obs. Colonel tried to caress Warriors face, but was once again too distracted by them gorgeous sightful orbs thatcreally saw him. Colonel Sanders fell flat on his face as he was distracted by Warriors stunning glory, and he ate a mouthful of mud sexily.  
Warriors was wearing a stunning dark green dress that hung off his shoulders like a sexy vampire, his long beautiful scarf gently hanging off his neck, gently brushing against the stab wound, where the red shone brilliantly, kinda like red wine, like vampires drink. Marth watched absolutely speechless as Colonel Sanders, a man he’d never seen before, and Warriors, someone who could be him in another world, threw themselves at eachother in a (chicken) tender embrace.  
Marth wondered when he’d finally escape this realm and be comforted by the hands of his rarest soul, chickie friess uwu senpoienie honhon quackson. He longingly imagined teh tender touch, imagining the power that would require for their love to be reality, willing to bring the very stars down to earth in order to bring them togethe ronce more.  
From an opening in the clouds, where the one and only STARFOX had flown before, a beam of light shone down on t he earth below, and after the light hasd faded, there were the burger king chicken fries, a product of Warrior’s franchise, ready to tenderly smooch and embrase Marth. “My Love uwu!” Marth screeched like a banchee ready to run up to chicken fries and catch them in a tender embrace, but was stopped by Warriors, who sighed softly shed a single tear like Frodo in the LOTR movies. “T̞͚̠̣̹̲H̸̗̲̲̘̼͙E̛̥̰̻͎ ̘̰̠̭̕Ṭ̞̮͘O̢͍̲͙̗̹I҉̰̻̹̣̱̭̯̟L҉̹̯̬͕̬͔̕E̤͎̲͙̹͈̭̞̠T̛̠͚̜̱͚͇̘̱̠ ̲͚̕Ḑ͍̥̠̬͢E͇M͈͎̼̫̱̻̪͢Ơ̯̻̼̜Ņ̤̥̭ ̗͖̠͈̥̯̟̰̰͡H̼͇̱͈̘̪A̛͚͉͟S̵͟͏̤̟͈̫ ̪͎̻̼̝̯͍̝M̳͕̭̫̞̗͔Ę̢̧͖̪̯̯̣̙̯!͈̰̦̣̱̣͢!̷̵͙̲̪̹̦͙͇͇̼̥̮͔͡ͅ”- Linni, posessing Legend. Legend turned to the camera like he was in the office flashing a peace sign, “guess the toilet demon got Linni! ;D” Everyone clapped and the demon toilet demon ran off and it was so awesome did you see it dad did you, Warriors was singing adele in the distance, like a swiimming sirin pulling everyone else down cuz he was just that Flat. But it was not to be the end. Longingly, Sky looked into the distance, longing for a simpler time, for Skyloft and the magnificent and beautiful toilet demons of his home. He reached out, as if to touch the one running away, but it slipped from his grasp. A feral Time, going ballistic at the sight of the demon toilet from the moon, was held back by a buff, handsome, furry, strong, and utterly edgy Twilight, who had begun shoosh papping him profusely, attempting to calm the feral beast enough to silence him. Time broke out of Twilight’s tough grasp and screamed, grabbing the fierce diety mask from his satchel and slapping it on his face, ready to fucking die in style. Time and time and the rest are more important to me because of my work on a new level and the need for the viewers and their own experience is a good way to be successful. Time threw on the mask, screaming in pure agony as the being, the fierce daddy inside the mask took over his body, which was in fact not a mask unlike the mask he was weraing, which was a mask. Sky momentarily took out his teeth just to smack Time with them, “This! is! why! we! suppress! our! feelings! with! wilds! subpar! cooking! karen!” Skyed dyed his hair a dark black with limpid blue tears before flying off with his Nightwing because that’s cooler and no one understands him in this fucking house. Before taking off, Warriors rushed up to him, as if to hug him goodbye, but when Sky opened his arms, the other man embraced the Night Fury, cooing sweet nothings at it; finally, the truth had come out, Warriors was a dragon fricker.  
Colonel Sanders-kun was of course the dragon, having morphed into it using his celestial powers, and embraced the champion of Burger King with his scaly, shining, inky black wings, and god damn was he beautiful, a shining beacon of hope in this trying time between Marth and the Chicken Friess, who were x-treme suffering relationship issues. Warriors held Colonel-kun close, but Colonel-kun grabbed his face in his scaley claws and whisper two centimeters from his face, “You shouldn’t have started a competing franchise against me My Love, now I have to destroy you and everything you hold dear.”  
There was a rawr from behind, and the door was kicked open to reveal Dumbledore, screaming at the top of his lungs as he shot beautifully vampiric spells everywhere in a ray of darkness and the clouds played MCR like a proper gothic christmas, you know, like the song “we are gonna have a gothic christmas?”Hyrule angrily threw down with everyone making fun of him calling the washroom a washroom since, he never called it the pee pee (poo poo refrain) room like ALL THE OTHER LINKS, then proceeded to cry because theyre being bitches. He ran to the quitchen with heavy feets, hus secretpower aloodibg him to the feeling of a presence behind him as he prepared to destroy the oveen with his Ultimate Power of psssssssssftphootsnorkssssssss, Darkness, as sister mickey mouse used to say, he’s a NUN, gathered around the supplies for four’s son vanitas’ pta meeting as hyrule saw him; wind crouched ofer the shitty squares, slathering pine needles and dookim over it, “It needed to be done” Despite all the commotion behind him, and the hydrating of the ranch, Pastor Sonic could only focus on the sweet, sweet cocaine in front of him, piled on the Master Sword. On an absolute bender, he was transported to a foreign land, with clouds and sky all around him, his psychic powers bringing them all to the Hero of the Sky’s home. They naruto ran around the floating island, causing chaos and destroying homes left and right, using their epid yaoi hands to crush souls and pots alike, pushing innocent skyloftians off the island. Sky felt nothing through this entire event, watching as the love of his life is thrown into the sun by REd Saniccs yaoi hhands. W*ld too, was thrown into the sun, but only twilight seemed to care, even then he barely cared, glad to see the overused plot device gone from the realm. Shadow the hedgehog appeared out of nowhere claiming he was the angstiest angst dark version of the hero and actually was the lizard all along, “damn it” cuz he’s mature and ⛥ ẹ̸̡̱̭̣̮̃̒͒̕d̵̢̡̛͇͖̪͕͍͖̥̜̥̪͚̼̹̣̹͓̖̮̹̫͎̟͙̝̬̻̜͈̟͈̅͛̀̊̀͊̇̒̿̽̋͋̃̐́̈́̿̇̃͋̄͂̈́̄͑̈́̽̐̌̒͂́́͐͘̕̚͝͝g̷̨̧̛̦̼̜͖̺̮̥̰̝̫͉͉̯̗̲̘̝̪͈̯̦̪̜̃̏̇̔͑̃̇̒͊͌̔̋̿̚͘͘̕̚͜͝ͅy̸̡̧̛̱̺̳̮̰̜͉̰̩̲̦͚͍̭̠͔͕͉͚̦̘̻̰̠̠̙͚͎̣̙͚͔̳̐͗̐̆́͋̾̒̽̃̓̒̊̆̽̉̈́͊̿͊̈̾̾̅̆̈́͒̉̐̽̏̐̽̂̒̅̎͂̆́̿̓͌̎̽̇̕͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͝ ̶̧̢̡̛͉̱̤̥̻̰̻͈̻̦̭̤̗̪̠̝̣̫͖̬͉̤̭͎̲̱͉͔̼̖̟̫̝͕̫͔̬͓̲̪̏̾̂͂̅̀͑̃̾̽̿̿͆̈́̈͋́̂̅̌̊͛̄̔͑͂̐̐̈́͌͒̋̒͋̇̋̒̂̃͑̇̊͌͒̊͘͘͘̚̚̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅ ⛧. “Damn, thats edgy,” Highrool said as he popped a toadstool from the mushroom kingdom.  
“HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOO!” Mario screamed, knowing all the pain SHadow the hedgehog and Shadow Link mutually felt. Now that he thought about it, Shadow and Shadow Link were perfect for each other. there wedding was to be held on the thirdy third of junigust, because they don’t play by daddy’s rules and wanted to have the most emos of times together because that’s what xehanort would have wanted. Gently, Shadow Link grasped Shadow Link’s sonic-sona’s hand, and all of a sudden, their palms burned. Finally! It was their soulmate marks, a beautiful tradition and only a testament to the love that they shared. The sheer broad force of their soulmate marks appearing tore a rift into the time space continuoumum, allowing a green figure to stumble through the hole before it sealed up once more. “This isnt my swamp!” Shrek screechd, green cheeks ablaze with a deeper green as he met eyes witht eh shadowy pair. Suddenly, there was another sudden light and burning sensation, another soulmate mark! Shrek, Shadow Link, and Shadow the Hedgehog- aka Shadow Link’s sonic-sona- were a trio of soulmates, green complimenting black, red, and purple beautifully. They embraced, and it was a simply glorious occassion, a beautiful moment for the ages. A match made in heavemn.  
Shadow Link’s sonic-sona perished suddenly to the dismay of everyone around them because they all loved Shadow Link’s sonic-sona so much, they were a beloved character everybody knows and loves… but then Shrek, granted with the divine powers of Truth, Justice, adnd Friendship, imbued Shadow Link’s sonic-sona’s lifeless corpse with his own inner power in order to bring them back from their death - and it worked!  
With a sexy, mighty, ogre roar Shrek vibe checked the entire universe, a universe one might call the Linked Universe, awakening everyone from their terrible slumber. Sadly for all Sky’s teeth were still gone after the merciless beating they gave to Time? Time sure i forget by now but who cares, all that matters is Sky’s teeth are just fucking G O N E like all your hopes and dreams after reading this fic. The end motherfuckers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its our first piece of fanart, i hope you like it, pls no hate thankie XDDDDDdDDDDDDDD!111!11!!!!!!!!

Heres a beautiful rendition of the scene from chapter 1, in which the Colonel is embracing his lover, burger king warriors, who has been brutally stabbed


End file.
